Sesame Street - 20 Years Later

Life, unfortunately, doesn’t always turn out the way one expects. Take That split up, Michael Jackson is found not guilty, and Reality TV STILL won’t die. One thing endures though – Sesame Street. We’ve watched it since our child hood, and it’s still there. Let’s imagine though, just for a moment, that Sesame Street was taken off the air, cancelled, never to entertain or educate again. What would happen to the cast that we have loved and adored since….1969? Wow. Didn’t think it was that old. Top scientists have been given a really hot cup of tea and spent many weeks on a hypothesis. Want to read it? Course you do. You’d have stopped reading after the third sentence otherwise. Make words go now!

Cookie Monster –
Secretly feeding his addiction by cleverly making it part of the show, earned this ex-President the nick name “Cookie Monster”. Cruel behind the scenes experiments, only recently revealed after a former cast member came forward, gave him his blue furry coat and bulging eyes. Attempts to control this were made by strapping him down after every show and administering liquefied ‘cookie drops’ into his eyes. A country wide ban on entering any food store, the show now cancelled, and his only source of cookie abruptly cut off, Cookie Monster took to working the streets to feed his habit.
LAST SEEN – In a public restroom cubicle, heating up cookie dough in a spoon, a syringe lying on the floor.

Bert + Ernie –
It was no secret that Bert + Ernie were kids TV’s first gay couple, having met on the show. It started innocently enough, they did a few sketches together, but soon their relationship bloomed. No mention was ever made of it on the show, out of respect, and fear of, you know, violence, death, that sort of thing.When the show ended, they were already living together, but both Bert and Ernie now found themselves out of work. Ernie decided to stay home, and look after the house, while Bert went out to find a job. He eventually did, at a toothpick factory, sticking warning labels on packets. He worked long hours, and would come home cranky and irritable. He turned to the bottle, and would usually arrive at work drunk. Unable to ignore it any longer, his new boss fired him when he turned up so wasted, he was carrying a pig under his arm, with the explanation of “bringing home the bacon”. Angry and upset he staggered home, and got into an argument with Ernie, which ended with Bert slapping Ernie. Ernie packed his bags, and left, Bert crying and pleading with him not to go all the while.
LAST SEEN – Ernie now writes a successful problems page for gay muppets in the New York Times. Bert cleaned himself up, and holds seminars on the effects of drinking in primary schools.

Big Bird –
One of the most popular cast members, it didn’t take Big Bird long to find work. He was recruited as a spokesperson for the environment by the Mayors Office in New York, and promised to “clean up Central Park”. Big Bird spent many years in office, but sadly died in 2039, when he ate some bad seed that exploded in his stomach. The newspapers ran headlines claiming he was assassinated; he was too close to something, and the CIA planted the seed, in order to get him out of the picture. Nothing was ever proven. A memorial bird bath was erected in Central Park, with the inscription “Made in Canada”. Makes you think…

The Count –
Personally I always liked The Count. I thought he was funny, and immensely quotable. Once the show ended, he spent a little time entering state fairs, counting the number of beans in a jar, that sort of thing. He even won occasionally. Prizes included a stuffed ferret, a lifetime supply of wienerschniztsel, and a small Pilipino child named Keith! Soon the thrill of competing died off, and he decided to embark on the biggest challenge of his career – counting the number of particles in his own body. He closed his eyes, and has never opened them since. He was found, hanging upside down in his dressing room, and all attempts to revive him failed.
LAST SEEN - He currently resides in Labtec Psychiatric Hospital, and just sits there quietly, his lips moving ever so slightly. Listen closely, dear friends, and you can hear him counting still.

Elmo –
It is no surprise to anyone reading this that Elmo become a crime lord once Sesame Street ended. He was already running a highly successful drugs syndicate among the crew, Grover being one of his regular customers. After the show was terminated, he scaled up his operations. Moving into armed weapons, he was easily able to establish contacts in the Middle East, and his slave labour factories began springing up all over Weston Super-Mare. Now making millions of dollars every year in illegitimate gains, he did the unthinkable – he bought out Microsoft, and his stranglehold on the world tightened. No one dares oppose him; he is now untouchable, kinda like MC Hammer. He’s a Reverend now you know.
LAST SEEN – No one sees him. NO ONE.

Mr Hooper –
He died during the show. You didn’t see that one?

This is only what could happen to some of the characters. It’s a horrid glimpse into the future isn’t it readers? However it is only one possible future. It doesn’t have to be like this. The only way to prevent it I suppose is to continue to watch Sesame Street, so the networks don’t dare take it off the air. And if it does happen, well, it might not turn out like this. Maybe…